대학신문방송국

A Society of Comparison

By Choi Yong-il, Editor-in-Chief, Senior of Chemical and Biological Engineering

These days, the word “comparison” comes up often when people talk about Korean society. Some people compare themselves to others while preparing for marriage. Others do so in terms of jobs and salaries. Still others measure themselves based on housing, school districts, parenting styles, and spending habits. Perhaps that is why the phrase “pitting people against each other” no longer sounds unfamiliar. Comparison is a natural part of human psychology. Everyone wants to know whether they are doing well. But in Korea, comparison is especially strong and widespread. To understand this better, it is worth asking why this culture has become so deeply rooted and how society might move beyond it.

Life Turned Into a Set Course

The culture of comparison has grown stronger as many stages of life have come to resemble a fixed course. One clear example of this can be seen in marriage culture. A proposal often follows a familiar formula: candles, balloons, a ring ceremony, and even a post on social media. Weddings, too, drive up spending because people want them to look impressive in the eyes of others. Studio photos, dresses, makeup, and so-called package deals are often structured so that extra charges continue to be added to the base price. The atmosphere surrounding marriage creates an invisible standard, and the fear of falling behind fuels even more spending. On top of that, the belief that it happens “only once in a lifetime” can keep people from making practical decisions. But married life does not end with the wedding day. What matters more is how two people will live together, how they will resolve conflicts, and what kind of life they will build. Yet in a culture of comparison, those questions are often pushed aside by the desire to create a marriage that does not appear lacking in the eyes of others.

The Standard of an Ordinary Life

These days, people often say that Korea has a culture of setting the standard too high. In other words, the image of an ordinary life is set far above reality. It is often treated as normal to graduate from a four-year university in Seoul, get a decent job, earn about 7 million won per month as a couple, and own an apartment in the Seoul metropolitan area. But reality looks very different. It is hard to say that most people own their homes, and homeownership is even lower among younger generations. Income can also appear higher than it really is if people focus only on the average, since high earners pull that number up. If we look instead at what people in the middle actually earn, the picture changes. Even so, the social mood continues to move in the opposite direction. As the standard keeps rising, the same pattern repeats itself. Many ordinary people begin to feel that they are below average. Their lives have not gone terribly wrong, yet they still feel diminished and lose confidence. That feeling can easily lead to giving up. In the end, comparison culture narrows people’s choices and drains society as a whole of energy and confidence.

The Rise of Social Media

Social media has played a major role in making comparisons even stronger. In the past, the people we compared ourselves to were usually just a few people around us. But now things are different. On social media, people see not only the lives of those around them, but also the lives of friends of friends and even complete strangers. As the audience grows, the desire to show off increases. Another problem with social media is that the process disappears and only the final result remains. Someone’s life on social media may look glamorous, but the reality behind it is much harder to see. As a result, other people’s lives appear to be full of nothing but good moments, while the darker sides of our own lives stand out more clearly. That gap creates a strong sense of loss. On top of that, the things people post on social media are often strangely similar. Similar trips, luxury goods, and restaurants appear again and again. Rather than showing different kinds of lives, people keep presenting happiness in similar ways. This makes it easy to mistake a few selected moments for a social standard. In reality, they are only fragments of life, not life as it truly is.

When Comparison Turns Into Conflict

When comparison becomes stronger, it not only damages personal self-esteem but also makes social relationships harsher. In particular, as more young people feel that they have fallen behind, frustration can easily turn into aggression. This psychology helps explain the growing mockery and hatred seen online. At the same time, anxiety makes people demand more from others. Even dating and marriage become areas where people compare how well-prepared each person is, and that comparison can lead to conflicts. In the end, comparison makes relationships feel less like cooperation and more like transactions, leading people to see one another as rivals.

Why Does It Appear More Strongly in Korea?

There are several social factors that make the comparison culture feel especially strong in Korea. First, many people have long been expected to follow similar paths in life. From education and employment to housing and marriage, there have been paths treated almost like correct answers. This created a structure in which achievement-based comparison could easily grow. As the saying goes, comparison hurts the most among similar groups. In that sense, Korea has long had the conditions for comparison to become a basic language of life. Second, it is an environment in which failure is easily treated as a matter of personal responsibility. If society does not provide enough support in areas such as housing, childcare, and old age, individuals feel greater anxiety. And the more anxiety grows, the more intense comparison and competition become. Lastly, Korea is a society in which visible standards spread quickly. Messages about what counts as a good life and what counts as a lacking life travel rapidly through social media and the broader media environment. In that process, a small number of cases can harden into what seems like the standard for everyone.

Broadening the Standard

First, ordinary life needs to become visible again. Reducing comparison culture requires more than simply telling people not to compare themselves to others. It requires changing the environment that encourages comparison and broadening the range of lives that society accepts. The problem today is not that ordinary people do not exist, but that ordinary lives are often hard to see. Media and online content tend to repeat only short, flashy moments. If society is to become healthier, different kinds of lives need to appear more often so that the social baseline can return to reality.

Second, marriage and childbirth should not be treated only as personal burdens. The more the burdens of postpartum care, caregiving, and childcare are pushed onto individuals, the stronger the comparison becomes. When society takes a more active role in reducing the burdens related to care, leave, and housing, marriage and childbirth can become realistic choices rather than overwhelming ones.

Third, social media should not be treated as the standard. There are also practical steps individuals can take right away. This does not mean people have to quit social media altogether. It simply means remembering that what appears there is not the true standard of life, but only selected moments. It also means learning to shift the standard of comparison away from other people and toward who we were yesterday.

Lastly, diversity should not be treated as something outside the mainstream. The most important thing is the social atmosphere. If society respects diverse lifestyles, forms of work, and different paces of life, the pressure of comparison will diminish. Comparison becomes cruel when people believe there is only one right answer in life. Only when there are many possible answers can people finally breathe.

Beyond the Age of Comparison, Toward Coexistence

Comparison may be part of human instinct. But in Korea today, it shapes too many parts of life. When important choices are decided not by what people truly want but by whether they seem lacking in the eyes of others, individuals become exhausted, and society becomes divided. What needs to be restored is not a higher standard, but the belief that different kinds of lives can exist together. In the end, the way beyond a society of comparison is the way toward a society of coexistence. Its starting point may be a realistic understanding that no one is alone in feeling inadequate, along with a shared social agreement that it is okay to live differently.